The other day I heard a conversation that surprised me a bit to say the least. There were three ladies having a conversation when the husband of one called on the cell phone. He had left the location where she was and he was calling to apologize for accidentally taking her car keys with him when he left and that he would be bringing them back as soon as he could.
Sounds harmless enough. What surprised me was the other two ladies response to the husbands call. They were absolutely floored that her husband had just apologized! They were saying things like, “I can’t believe I just heard that come from a man’s mouth” and “My husband never apologizes to me”.
This encounter led met to believe guys, how much smoother things would run on the homefront if we just learned the lost art of apologizing. LIFE-Team Leadership had a book that came down through their leadership development system a couple years ago by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas titled The Five Langauges of Apology. I know for a fact the gentleman in the above story has read this book surely garnishing him many brownie points in the relationship.
The authors explain that we each have a language of apology we need to hear before we truly forgive the other person. The easy part is knowing them. The hard part is knowing what other people’s apology language and even harder is saying it.
The Five Languages of Apology are:
1. Expressing Regret – “I am sorry.”
2. Accepting Responsibility – “I was wrong.”
3. Making Restitution – “What can I do to make it right.”
4. Genuinely Repenting – I’ll try not to do it again.”
5. Requesting Forgiveness – “Will you please forgive me.”
Now guys, before you send me messages in outrage that I would make this information known I want you to think of benefits of reading and implementing this one area into your lives. I’m a man so I’m posting this to the men who read my blog, but I imagine if a wife saw her husband reading this you not only could knock her over with a feather, but she just might pick it up as well!
Enjoy, Steve Leurquin
Steve Leurquin Leadership 
wonderful, it is so important that I share this with my Five son’s.
This is a great book…an investment in your marriage and all of your other relationships too!
Investment is the key word!
Great post S! This book has been on one of my lists to read too!!
Move it on up!
Excellent! Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for leading by example Steve! It is easy to see how strong of a relationship you have with Jamie as well as with your kids. I’m going to transfer this book from my “already read” pile to my “re-read because you know you need it” pile!
I am sorry that I did not do this post earlier. It was wrong and I hope that I made it right by posting this and I will do my best to put up posts like this sooner in the future. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. 🙂
Steve, your making me bust a gut!!
Thanks for the recommendation, Steve!! Its nice to have someone further down the road in life than us (in results – not necessarily age:) ) be able to recommend a book that has produced some great results in their life.
That reminds me – I was riding in the car with Steve Sager the other day and after getting some of his perspective, I decided that I would be asking you for a book recommendation the next time I get to meet with you.
Steve,
Great post. I read this when it came down on system in late ’06. Safe to say I could stand to read it again. Thanks for the reminder.
Another great blog post. Thanks Steve!
Woah! My wife and I were just eyeing up this book last night. God might be telling me something 😉
Thanks Steve!
I think so Greg!
“Sorry Steve” but I have to agree with you, that many relationships would be a lot better by applying the principles in this book. Not just marriages but with our kids, siblings, etc…Although you’re talking with the men I know us ladies are just as guilty. Looking fwd to seeing you share more of your wisdom on Sat.
Apology, the lost art of relationships for everyone.
I’ve read this book 2x (I really had A LOT of apologies to account for). It is so basic, yet packed full of extremely useful material; to help people in their life. Personally, its in my Top 10 must read list……After I read the book the first time, I had realized why for so many years my mom got so upset with me when I would apologize. She (a dominant personality person) wanted more of the -admitting I was wrong and can she forgive me- response vs. just a simple -I’m sorry-….
Once I started speaking her language of apology, it was absolutely amazing how much stronger our relationship became; even to the point where she has lightened up on my mistakes…wow!! That book should have been required reading in my high school years 🙂 It would have saved my butt a few times, not to mention the gray hair my mom got from all those years…LOL
P.S…… this book really helps, if you apply the material, when you get pulled over by the police….it will decrease your odds of getting a ticket…
Great tip Steve, I will tell my wife to use that one :).
Uh oh!!! 🙂
Thanks for sharing Steve. Definitely on my must read least. Fortunately I have picked up some of these apology teachings from you and other leaders sharing and it has helped at least reduce one ticket. 🙂 Your sharing about your mom sheds some light on much of the dysfunction in my immediate family that still even exists today. Thanks!
Keith, I agree – Steve is a great example of applying this information! I remember him teaching me the principles a couple years ago.
Steve, this book is gold! The example you gave makes me realize I need to promote this book more. I used the principles I learned from this book just yesterday! Thanks for sharing!
Isn’t it amazing how many must reads there are out there?
Steve: Good blog! Here is a good montra for a lot of us men. “A happy wife is a happy life.” More of us need to learn these 5 attributes.
Blessings –Bill Eder—
Excellent comment!